"I feel I'm incredibly fascinating and this blog bears witness to that simple fact. Friends, from far and wide, are often pestered to keep abreast of my life and opinions. I offer my most sincere greetings to random visitors as well."
- 49 12.284N 122 54.408W
- New Westminster,
- British Columbia, CANADA
The Blog Vault
More Web Data
Getting in Touch
- Comments (Web Form)
- Comments (via E-Mail)
- Phone: 604.524.6197
- Cell: 778.235.6668
Sunday, April 20, 2008
MILF Island vs. Bad Guitar Hero Clips
The whole concept of YouTube has never excited me much. I mean I enjoy the opportunity of adding clips to this blog, but who'd want to sit for an hour and simply watch the stupid things that other people do? If I'm going to give up a half hour or more of my life watching a screen, I want what's on it to be professionally produced.
Luckily, it appears as if broadcasters are adapting to the new potential of the Net. It all deals with people not wanting to have to bend to someone else's schedule. With Tivo and other digital recorders, the idea of having to be home in order to not miss a show already seems like a quaint anachronism. I don't think most of us are going to be ready for high-definition Internet streaming for a while. Many other countries are better suited for fast, universal Internet access. In the Americas, we must contend with our vast geography and dispersed population.
I like NBC's 30 Rock. Satire is hard to pull off but this show seems to do it with ease. I sometimes give credit to the network for allowing so many sarcastic, and often self-critical references. Here Tina Fey takes on reality TV and cuts a little close to CBS's Survivor. Watch all 22 minutes of it now on Hulu.
If you're not in the US, try loading Hotspot Shield first. The program allows you to VPN to a US-based IP. It is easy to start and stop and a whole lot easier than messing around with permanent configuration on your computer. You only need to run it when you need to appear to be in the United States.
Luckily, it appears as if broadcasters are adapting to the new potential of the Net. It all deals with people not wanting to have to bend to someone else's schedule. With Tivo and other digital recorders, the idea of having to be home in order to not miss a show already seems like a quaint anachronism. I don't think most of us are going to be ready for high-definition Internet streaming for a while. Many other countries are better suited for fast, universal Internet access. In the Americas, we must contend with our vast geography and dispersed population.
I like NBC's 30 Rock. Satire is hard to pull off but this show seems to do it with ease. I sometimes give credit to the network for allowing so many sarcastic, and often self-critical references. Here Tina Fey takes on reality TV and cuts a little close to CBS's Survivor. Watch all 22 minutes of it now on Hulu.
If you're not in the US, try loading Hotspot Shield first. The program allows you to VPN to a US-based IP. It is easy to start and stop and a whole lot easier than messing around with permanent configuration on your computer. You only need to run it when you need to appear to be in the United States.
Labels: Hulu, humour, Internet, television
Wednesday, March 05, 2008
Just Plain (and Plane) Silly
I had to record a movie a few nights ago as it contained Lili Von Shtupp, played by Madeline Kahn. Blazing Saddles (1974) was on HDNet and so it was waiting on the hard disk in the PRV. I'd not seen the movie in a couple of years and it wasn't really like fine wine; it'd gotten no better. Yet, I'd never seen a better-looking copy than the high definition version. I do have to admit I am a fan of Mel Brooks. His type of off-the-wall humour is sorely lacking in today's media. In the last ten years I'd be hard put to come up with any movies that even remotely fit into the same genre.
In the 1990's several of the Scary Movie series had a bit of irreverent humour. Rather than containing any satire on society though, they could be more closely identified as teen comedies. More recently, movies like Blades of Glory (2007) are much too self-interested to be very funny. They seldom have any references to the world beyond the movie.
Perhaps modern audiences are simply too stupid for satire. Or maybe there are few points of common reference nowadays as modern cinema has to be make money in every market around the globe.
Damn, we need more Jim Abrahams-type films that'd comfortably fit next to Airplane! (1980)
Thursday, August 09, 2007
Something's Fishy
If you've ever spent much time around here, you'll know that I never include cutesy web jokes. In reality I'm a pretty humorous person, but little of that comes across in my eJournal and images. I guess when it comes to the keyboard, I'm usually all business.
So, it should seem very unusual for me to add a cartoon. Let me, however, add a little background. I'm not quite sure why I ever originally saved this image as doing so would seem untypical. However, I found it on a full, duel-layer DVD. I made this back up for files going back to 1985. In fact, I put it in the drive to look for any document at least 20 years old to add here today. I am not sure whether MS Office Word 07 can even open a WordPerfect document as ancient as that.
The disk contains a lot. I found myself looking through the maze of subdirectories. (Ahem, nowadays, I guess they're called folders.) It was rather like treasure hunting. I found this particular image in E:/Master DVD Backup 1985-2007/1985-1999_05/old p133/Graphics/JPG/Cartoons & Stuff/. It was called fishsplit.jpg and was created on September 21, 1998.
See, my entry has even made the following seem less funny.
So, it should seem very unusual for me to add a cartoon. Let me, however, add a little background. I'm not quite sure why I ever originally saved this image as doing so would seem untypical. However, I found it on a full, duel-layer DVD. I made this back up for files going back to 1985. In fact, I put it in the drive to look for any document at least 20 years old to add here today. I am not sure whether MS Office Word 07 can even open a WordPerfect document as ancient as that.
The disk contains a lot. I found myself looking through the maze of subdirectories. (Ahem, nowadays, I guess they're called folders.) It was rather like treasure hunting. I found this particular image in E:/Master DVD Backup 1985-2007/1985-1999_05/old p133/Graphics/JPG/Cartoons & Stuff/. It was called fishsplit.jpg and was created on September 21, 1998.
See, my entry has even made the following seem less funny.
Labels: file archives, humour
Monday, August 28, 2006
Recruiting Budget Cuts?
Saturday, March 11, 2006
The Wit of Satire
I have to admit, I only remembered Blazing Saddles (1974) from television. Yet since the last decade, Digital Video Discs have become the best invention since sliced bread. Even though it appears as 'the stars are aligning' for another Betamax/VHS-type competition for high-definition discs, the barn door's already been opened because of the type already available.
I had no idea who Mel Brooks really was, other than a vague concept that included the word, "humour". We did see the recent movie version of The Producers. That's merely a right-of-passage for those interested in show tunes. It was just yesterday, though, when I listened to Mel`s commentary track on the disc mentioned above. It's fantastic that one doesn't have to enroll in film school to learn from the pros nowadays.
It was also scary to learn how, 30+ years ago, the studios were so intent on making sure everything would play well in Peoria. Now the studios are intent on creating juvenile megapics. It just enforces my joy that this year's Oscars were a celebration for independent film.
My next task is to figure out Marlene Dietrich.
I had no idea who Mel Brooks really was, other than a vague concept that included the word, "humour". We did see the recent movie version of The Producers. That's merely a right-of-passage for those interested in show tunes. It was just yesterday, though, when I listened to Mel`s commentary track on the disc mentioned above. It's fantastic that one doesn't have to enroll in film school to learn from the pros nowadays.
It was also scary to learn how, 30+ years ago, the studios were so intent on making sure everything would play well in Peoria. Now the studios are intent on creating juvenile megapics. It just enforces my joy that this year's Oscars were a celebration for independent film.
My next task is to figure out Marlene Dietrich.
Friday, February 17, 2006
Some Year in the Future
Dennis: Hey, Hal.
Computer: Yes, Dennis?
Dennis: Delete that episode of CSI: Kissimmee. I'm finished and I'll never trust a guy dressed as an animal again!
Computer: Done. What can I do for you now?
Dennis: Hal, how about a personal network search?
Computer: Okay.
Dennis: Jay said I used to have a beard in the late 1990's. I want to view an image taken of me in that era. Try to find one of me when we were leaving after a free night at the Holiday Inn in Kelowna.
Computer: Found. I accessed it in your Flickr collection of 2006.
Dennis: Put it up on the wall screen.
Computer: Yes.
Dennis: It must have been originally on film. It was scanned with an old scanner, obviously. Can you enhance the image, please?
Computer: Enhancing ...
Dennis: Make my face a little less green.
Computer: Is that to your liking?
Dennis: That's better. What is the file format?
Computer: Standard jpg.
Dennis: Convert to .holo format. Just try moderate relief texturing.
Computer: Yes. Done.
Dennis: That's a good job. I'd almost swear it was taken with a 3-D camera.
Computer: Shall I save?
Dennis: Yes, Hal, but keep the original too. I really did have a lot of hair back then. Jay was right. Okay, Hal.
Computer: What can I do for you now?
Dennis: Let's try a Microsoft Connect 2023 vidcon to see how Jay's younger sister is doing.
Computer: Okay, connecting video conferencing to Sri Lanka. Proceed.
Dennis: Hi, what time is it there ...
Computer: Yes, Dennis?
Dennis: Delete that episode of CSI: Kissimmee. I'm finished and I'll never trust a guy dressed as an animal again!
Computer: Done. What can I do for you now?
Dennis: Hal, how about a personal network search?
Computer: Okay.
Dennis: Jay said I used to have a beard in the late 1990's. I want to view an image taken of me in that era. Try to find one of me when we were leaving after a free night at the Holiday Inn in Kelowna.
Computer: Found. I accessed it in your Flickr collection of 2006.
Dennis: Put it up on the wall screen.
Computer: Yes.
Dennis: It must have been originally on film. It was scanned with an old scanner, obviously. Can you enhance the image, please?
Computer: Enhancing ...
Dennis: Make my face a little less green.Computer: Is that to your liking?
Dennis: That's better. What is the file format?
Computer: Standard jpg.
Dennis: Convert to .holo format. Just try moderate relief texturing.
Computer: Yes. Done.
Dennis: That's a good job. I'd almost swear it was taken with a 3-D camera.
Computer: Shall I save?
Dennis: Yes, Hal, but keep the original too. I really did have a lot of hair back then. Jay was right. Okay, Hal.
Computer: What can I do for you now?
Dennis: Let's try a Microsoft Connect 2023 vidcon to see how Jay's younger sister is doing.
Computer: Okay, connecting video conferencing to Sri Lanka. Proceed.
Dennis: Hi, what time is it there ...
Labels: Flickr, futurecast, humour
Sunday, April 10, 2005
What Gender is ... Computer?
A French language teacher was explaining to her class that, unlike in English, nouns are designated as either masculine or feminine. For example, 'la maison' (house) is feminine but 'le crayon' (pencil) is masculine. A student asked, "What gender is ... computer?" Instead of giving the answer, the teacher split the class into two groups - women and men - and asked them to decide for themselves whether the word computer should be a masculine or feminine noun. Each group was asked to give four reasons for their recommendation.
The women's group decided that the object should be masculine because ...
In order to do anything with them, you have to turn them on; They have a lot of data but still can't think for themselves; They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they --- themselves ARE the problem and As soon as you commit to one, you realize that if you had waited a little longer, you could have gotten a better model.
The men's group, however, concluded that the word should definitely be of the feminine gender because ...
No one but their creator can understand their internal logic; The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else; Even the smallest mistakes are stored in long-term memory for possible later review; and As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half of your salary on accessories for it.
(btw/ l'ordinateur is masculine.)
Saturday, March 19, 2005
My Beast of Burden
The Ford Ranger, which I've been talking about off and on all week, is quite underpowered. However, I'm satisfied with its tiny, 8-plug, 2.3 litre engine because it sips gasoline sparingly. Vancouver gas prices are estimated to be around $1.00 Canadian per litre all summer.
Apparently. the following means of transport also has limited weight capabilities.
Apparently. the following means of transport also has limited weight capabilities.
Sunday, January 30, 2005
Plagiarizing: God and Green Salad
I'm intrigued by how urban myths, hoaxes, and email humour circulate on the Internet. There are always some common elements but many portions eventually become personalized. The first occurs because it's so easy to select and copy; the latter happens as each contributor wants to make a better 'fit' for a specific audience.
Here is a well-worn version received by email yesterday. In order to view alternate copies, see what Google can offer. Strangely doing a search for God created green salad produced much more consistent results than God created yogurt.
In the beginning, God created Heaven and Earth and populated the Earth with
broccoli, cauliflower and spinach, green and yellow and red vegetables of
all kinds, so Man and Woman would live long and healthy lives.
Then using God's great gifts, Satan created Ben and Jerry's Ice Cream and
Krispy Creme Donuts. And Satan said, "You want chocolate with that?" And Man
said, "Yes!" and Woman said, "and as long as you're at it, add some
sprinkles." And they gained 10 pounds. And Satan smiled.
And God created the healthful yogurt that Woman might keep the figure that
Man found so fair. And Satan brought forth white flour from the wheat, and
sugar from the cane and combined them. And Woman went from size 6 to size
14.
So God said, "Try my fresh green salad." And Satan presented Thousand-Island
Dressing, buttery croutons and garlic toast on the side. And Man and Woman
unfastened their belts.
God then said, "I have sent you heart healthy vegetables and olive oil in
which to cook them." And Satan brought forth deep fried fish and
chicken-fried steak so big it needed its own platter. And Man gained more
weight and his cholesterol went through the roof.
God then created a light, fluffy white cake, named it "Angel Food Cake," and
said, "It is good." Satan then created chocolate cake and named it "Devil's
Food."
God then brought forth running shoes so that His children might lose those
extra pounds. And Satan gave cable TV with a remote control so Man would not
have to toil changing the channels. And Man and Woman laughed and cried
before the flickering blue light and gained pounds.
Then God brought forth the potato, naturally low in fat and brimming with
nutrition. And Satan peeled off the healthful skin and sliced the starchy
center into chips and deep-fried them. And Man gained pounds.
God then gave lean beef so that Man might consume fewer calories and still
satisfy his appetite. And Satan created McDonald's and its 99-cent double
cheeseburger. Then said, "You want fries with that?" And Man replied, "Yes!
And super size them!" And Satan said, "It is good." And Man went into
cardiac arrest.
God sighed and created quadruple bypass surgery. So, Satan created HMOs
and Canada's government-managed healthcare.
Here is a well-worn version received by email yesterday. In order to view alternate copies, see what Google can offer. Strangely doing a search for God created green salad produced much more consistent results than God created yogurt.
In the beginning, God created Heaven and Earth and populated the Earth with
broccoli, cauliflower and spinach, green and yellow and red vegetables of
all kinds, so Man and Woman would live long and healthy lives.
Then using God's great gifts, Satan created Ben and Jerry's Ice Cream and
Krispy Creme Donuts. And Satan said, "You want chocolate with that?" And Man
said, "Yes!" and Woman said, "and as long as you're at it, add some
sprinkles." And they gained 10 pounds. And Satan smiled.
And God created the healthful yogurt that Woman might keep the figure that
Man found so fair. And Satan brought forth white flour from the wheat, and
sugar from the cane and combined them. And Woman went from size 6 to size
14.
So God said, "Try my fresh green salad." And Satan presented Thousand-Island
Dressing, buttery croutons and garlic toast on the side. And Man and Woman
unfastened their belts.
God then said, "I have sent you heart healthy vegetables and olive oil in
which to cook them." And Satan brought forth deep fried fish and
chicken-fried steak so big it needed its own platter. And Man gained more
weight and his cholesterol went through the roof.
God then created a light, fluffy white cake, named it "Angel Food Cake," and
said, "It is good." Satan then created chocolate cake and named it "Devil's
Food."
God then brought forth running shoes so that His children might lose those
extra pounds. And Satan gave cable TV with a remote control so Man would not
have to toil changing the channels. And Man and Woman laughed and cried
before the flickering blue light and gained pounds.
Then God brought forth the potato, naturally low in fat and brimming with
nutrition. And Satan peeled off the healthful skin and sliced the starchy
center into chips and deep-fried them. And Man gained pounds.
God then gave lean beef so that Man might consume fewer calories and still
satisfy his appetite. And Satan created McDonald's and its 99-cent double
cheeseburger. Then said, "You want fries with that?" And Man replied, "Yes!
And super size them!" And Satan said, "It is good." And Man went into
cardiac arrest.
God sighed and created quadruple bypass surgery. So, Satan created HMOs
and Canada's government-managed healthcare.
Wednesday, May 26, 2004
Trial Separation
Yesterday for lunch, I wanted to make simple sandwiches to go with soup. I really wasn't in the mood for tuna fish, but I found tender flaked chicken in the same-sized can. The sandwiches were good; however, as I was stirring in the seasonings I read the label. It said that the product contained water, salt, and soya for flavour. Additionally it boasted 100% pure, mechanically-separated chicken.
What d'ya suppose that machine looks like?
Labels: humour
Tuesday, December 30, 2003
Santa you rat!
I wrote to you on December 24 and again on December 26. Now I fear I am wasting my time and will not bother anymore. However, I think you are really a jerk for not bringing me a wide-screen TV. I was extremely nice during 2003 but I have seen no reward for my good behavior. I have waited and waited but did not get my TV nor did I get any response from my previous messages.
My lawyer and I had a very long discussion and we have decided not to press charges. But please be advised that you have now made an enemy because of your negligence. I plan on starting an Internet campaign to bring attention to your obvious malice and disregard for my feelings. You will live to regret the day you ignored my simple request for a high-definition television.
Your adversary,
Dennis Hurd
P.S. As my hamster had to eat up the cookies you left, he has become fat and lazy. Also, I drank that bottle of wine in one sitting and now find myself beginning a new addiction for the new year.
Labels: humour
Friday, December 26, 2003
Ready for Fight on Boxing Day
Hey Santa,
This is a follow-up note to my letter of Wednesday.
I waited all day yesterday for your delivery. I figured that since I got my request in late that you were having a bit of trouble getting my wide-screen TV here on time. So, I was quite patient.
Yet now it's Friday and still no show! What's up? No elves answered my email! I am now waiting for the televison AND an apology. If we can't rectify this problem, I am going to have to consider litigation.
Formerly yours,
Dennis Hurd
P.S. I had to feed the cookies to the hamster and you didn't even touch the bottle of wine that I left for you!
Labels: humour
Wednesday, December 24, 2003
Express Delivery to Balcony
CBC Television has a great line up of specials for the Christmas season. There are many holiday classics. It's a Wonderful Life was on again last night. (I mentioned that movie in my December 13th entry when it showed on NBC.) Of course, it is only black and white but it looked great over satellite and an S-video connection. There's something quite seductive about richly-restored b&w movie prints.
Yet, this points to my current problem. My television is now 10 years old! It travelled by ship from the other side of the globe when I left Dubai. It's a 27" Hitachi 'flat screen'. Being multi-system is now an unnecessary option as North America uses only NTSC. It works flawlessly, but 'I want more' as a local electronics chain advertises.
Dear Santa,
I'm sorry to make this request so late but I assume that your sleigh still has some extra room. Your elves do process last minute email requests, don't they? Please bring me a wide-screen, high-definition TV for Christmas. I've been a good boy and don't need a plasma, or even an LCD model. A simple new, projection 46" Hitachi will do nicely. The fireplace burns natural gas, so you should just drop off the set via my balcony window.
With anticipation,
Dennis Hurd
P.S. Also, please advise as to the beverage you'd like me to leave with tonight's cookies.
Yet, this points to my current problem. My television is now 10 years old! It travelled by ship from the other side of the globe when I left Dubai. It's a 27" Hitachi 'flat screen'. Being multi-system is now an unnecessary option as North America uses only NTSC. It works flawlessly, but 'I want more' as a local electronics chain advertises.
Dear Santa,
I'm sorry to make this request so late but I assume that your sleigh still has some extra room. Your elves do process last minute email requests, don't they? Please bring me a wide-screen, high-definition TV for Christmas. I've been a good boy and don't need a plasma, or even an LCD model. A simple new, projection 46" Hitachi will do nicely. The fireplace burns natural gas, so you should just drop off the set via my balcony window.
With anticipation,
Dennis Hurd
P.S. Also, please advise as to the beverage you'd like me to leave with tonight's cookies.
Labels: Christmas, humour, television
Wednesday, October 29, 2003
Dear Ronnie,
It was a pleasure stopping by last night. Lots of people tell me that I should be a little more discriminating. Yet it's hard to ignore you for long, considering we can meet at five different places within a 3-mile radius. I swear, I'd find myself in your company even more but it's too hard sneaking around and keeping secrets from family and friends.
Yet, there is a specific reason why I'm writing today. Sadly, I'd like to suggest that we seem to be on divergent paths lately. Are we growing apart?
Recently, you've started to hang up colourful posters of chicken fajitas and green (garden-fresh) salads. My tray liner extolled the virtues of your new light sesame Thai dressing. Your 'Outdoor Family Fun' brochure stated how the Fruit 'n Yogurt Parfait would fit into my 'lighter choices' options. I even noticed the dreaded McVeggie burgers are still on the menu board.
ENOUGH ALREADY!
I went there last night for a mega GREASE FIX. That Big Mac Meal with a Big Mac on the side fit the bill perfectly. Please stop visually assaulting me with pictures of food 'for a more balanced lifestyle'. When I want to cut back, I'll just refrain from super-sizing my fries!
Yours always,
Dennis
Yet, there is a specific reason why I'm writing today. Sadly, I'd like to suggest that we seem to be on divergent paths lately. Are we growing apart?
Recently, you've started to hang up colourful posters of chicken fajitas and green (garden-fresh) salads. My tray liner extolled the virtues of your new light sesame Thai dressing. Your 'Outdoor Family Fun' brochure stated how the Fruit 'n Yogurt Parfait would fit into my 'lighter choices' options. I even noticed the dreaded McVeggie burgers are still on the menu board.
ENOUGH ALREADY!
I went there last night for a mega GREASE FIX. That Big Mac Meal with a Big Mac on the side fit the bill perfectly. Please stop visually assaulting me with pictures of food 'for a more balanced lifestyle'. When I want to cut back, I'll just refrain from super-sizing my fries!
Yours always,
Dennis
Locate additional information at the my eJournal and images blog site.